Showing 56 posts tagged sad

A whole crazy weird mix of moods and emotions going on this morning…

First off - really weird dreams last night - and they are setting a mood. 

Next - I’m feeling kinda sad - a bunch of things all mixed up - I watch my daughter grow up and that pretty much does it - then I think about all she has in front of her and that’s scary - she doesn’t really have a lot of friends - at least not like when I was her age - the couple she hangs out with in our neighborhood are at the crappy mind game teenager acting level - where they ignore her half the time and don’t include her in things - she just wants to hang out with friends and all the political stuff never enters her mind - so she gets shafted - what’s going to happen as she gets closer to high school - is she going to miss out on things - does it matter - there is nothing wrong with putting her attentions to her music and school and family - right? - we always have done things together as a family but as she has gotten older I can see a loneliness there - when we travel or go to movies or when she is sitting on the couch playing with her iPad - it makes me feel bad.

Then - we watched The Fault in Our Stars last night - I’ve been reading the book - my daughter and wife wanted me to read it after they read it - and then they wanted to see the movie - last night seemed like a good time to watch it even though I was only half way through the book - I’ll still finish it but I’ve been tired of sad cancer books - before this book I read Shrinkage - Bryan Bishop’s book about his brain tumor - and everything we seem to watch is about death and sadness - The LeftoversThe Walking Dead, Fargo, True Detective, Breaking Bad, etc - last night the movie was really good - it made me think about how lucky we are - have been - and what terrible things people have to go through - and how we don’t know what lies ahead for all of us - and how no matter how much you try to enjoy the moment - and all the good things - just knowing what could happen - and is happening to others keeps creeping in - for me it’s never really been a fear of dying - just a fear of the answer to “is there any point to all of this?”…

Also - a bunch of things - one of the more elated times for me recently was when I watched U2 tell the world that they had a new album and it was available now - and for free! Out of nowhere! - then all the complaining started and internet trolls and haters - and they have been eroding joy and replacing it with this sadness… - all the ups and downs of being a sports fan - this past week was unprecedented for ODU football - lots of national attention and a big nationally televised game - only to lose pretty badly… - I haven’t been surfing in a while - mostly because I hurt my shoulder and arm muscles - I’m not even sure how - I think from dragging heavy luggage during out trip last month - it’s been really bothering me and dragging me down - but I’ve also not really been feeling like surfing - there is so much to do all the time - with work and family and this bathroom floor remodel I’ve been doing - surfing just has seemed like another chore to try to fit in - and that makes me sad… - the bathroom floor remodel - I’ve always wanted to know how to do something like this and I just jumped into it - I’ve made a lot of mistakes but have learned a lot and now it’s almost done - and it looks pretty good - so this whole accomplishment thing is setting in - which is one of the good things - which means something bad is right around the corner - right?

I thought I was smart - I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight - I thought there was a
Virtue in always being cool - so when it came time to
Fight I thought I’ll just step aside and that time would
Prove you wrong and that you would be the fool -

I don’t know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it’s all a mystery

Oh to fight is to defend if it’s not
Now than tell me when would be the time that you would stand up
And be a man - for to lose I could accept but to surrender
I just wet and regretted this moment - oh that I - I
Was the fool

I don’t know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what right for his
Own life - it’s all a mystery

Cause I’m a man not a boy and there are things
You can’t avoid you have to face them when you’re not prepared
To face them -
If I could I would but you’re with him now it’d do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him - I let
Him take it -

I don’t know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what right for his
Own life - it’s all a mystery

/ - such a great song with devastating lyrics…

"it’s all a mystery"

Father And Son

  • Cat Stevens
  • Tea For The Tillerman (Remastered)
Father
It’s not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It’s always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Father
It’s not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.

Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them you know not me.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

/ - one of my favorite songs - so sad and deep and true…

Hard to Say

  • Dan Fogelberg
  • The Innocent Age

"Lucky at love, well maybe so 
 There’s still a lot of things you’ll never know 
 Like why each time the sky begins to snow,
 you cry”

Movie Night - last night…
- It was really cool watching Julia in a more serious role. She was funny, of course, but also sad and tortured and complex - and it was interesting watching the familiar character she always plays come out in little pieces here and there. 
- The story lines about the different kids getting ready to leave for college and how the characters are coping with it were pretty heartbreaking. Julia in particular really portrayed what it must be like to have to deal with this. All the worry and emptiness and sense of loss. I’m personally not looking forward to it.
- James Gandolfini’s charm kept bursting out of his character’s sadness. His charm and confidence was what we liked the most about Tony Soprano and there was a little of it here. His character was overweight and there was a lot made of this in the plot. He was bigger and older and out of shape looking. It was ironic considering he died shortly after this movie was made of a heart attack. Was he like this just for the movie or was he like this also in real life? It was hard not to think about while watching. 
- James and Julia had a lot of chemistry that was fun to watch. The plot had a twist in it that could’ve easily sent the movie off it’s rails, but it quietly handled the twist in a realistic way and ended the movie in the right tone. High-res

Movie Night - last night…

- It was really cool watching Julia in a more serious role. She was funny, of course, but also sad and tortured and complex - and it was interesting watching the familiar character she always plays come out in little pieces here and there. 

- The story lines about the different kids getting ready to leave for college and how the characters are coping with it were pretty heartbreaking. Julia in particular really portrayed what it must be like to have to deal with this. All the worry and emptiness and sense of loss. I’m personally not looking forward to it.

- James Gandolfini’s charm kept bursting out of his character’s sadness. His charm and confidence was what we liked the most about Tony Soprano and there was a little of it here. His character was overweight and there was a lot made of this in the plot. He was bigger and older and out of shape looking. It was ironic considering he died shortly after this movie was made of a heart attack. Was he like this just for the movie or was he like this also in real life? It was hard not to think about while watching. 

- James and Julia had a lot of chemistry that was fun to watch. The plot had a twist in it that could’ve easily sent the movie off it’s rails, but it quietly handled the twist in a realistic way and ended the movie in the right tone.

Father Of Mine

  • Everclear
  • So Much For The Afterglow

There was this guy that used to work for me years ago - his name was Chris - he was a big tough guy with a thick red beard - he had a rough life, but always had a smile on his face and a great sense of humor - he had a kid and was on and off with his kid’s mom - I helped him get a better job and I sold him this condo my wife and I lived in before we bought our house - I let him buy it for less than what I could’ve gotten for it - to try to help him out - one day I saw him at the gym and this song came on - he told me he loved this song - that it reminded him of his father and how he left when he was young - and how hard growing up was - he said he didn’t want to do that to his son - he was trying not to tear up when he said it - a couple years later he died of a drug overdose - he ended up doing the same thing to his son….  

It’s hard to listen to this song - I miss Chris’ big smile…