Lost In The Moment

  • Edie Brickell
  • Picture Perfect Morning

"Alone in the backyard
 a cool afternoon

 The tree they planted
 has started to bloom

 She wanted him to see this
 she wanted him there

 She wanted to kiss him
 and brush back his hair

 Lost in the moment of what she needs

 Lost in the moment of what she needs”

A whole crazy weird mix of moods and emotions going on this morning…

First off - really weird dreams last night - and they are setting a mood. 

Next - I’m feeling kinda sad - a bunch of things all mixed up - I watch my daughter grow up and that pretty much does it - then I think about all she has in front of her and that’s scary - she doesn’t really have a lot of friends - at least not like when I was her age - the couple she hangs out with in our neighborhood are at the crappy mind game teenager acting level - where they ignore her half the time and don’t include her in things - she just wants to hang out with friends and all the political stuff never enters her mind - so she gets shafted - what’s going to happen as she gets closer to high school - is she going to miss out on things - does it matter - there is nothing wrong with putting her attentions to her music and school and family - right? - we always have done things together as a family but as she has gotten older I can see a loneliness there - when we travel or go to movies or when she is sitting on the couch playing with her iPad - it makes me feel bad.

Then - we watched The Fault in Our Stars last night - I’ve been reading the book - my daughter and wife wanted me to read it after they read it - and then they wanted to see the movie - last night seemed like a good time to watch it even though I was only half way through the book - I’ll still finish it but I’ve been tired of sad cancer books - before this book I read Shrinkage - Bryan Bishop’s book about his brain tumor - and everything we seem to watch is about death and sadness - The LeftoversThe Walking Dead, Fargo, True Detective, Breaking Bad, etc - last night the movie was really good - it made me think about how lucky we are - have been - and what terrible things people have to go through - and how we don’t know what lies ahead for all of us - and how no matter how much you try to enjoy the moment - and all the good things - just knowing what could happen - and is happening to others keeps creeping in - for me it’s never really been a fear of dying - just a fear of the answer to “is there any point to all of this?”…

Also - a bunch of things - one of the more elated times for me recently was when I watched U2 tell the world that they had a new album and it was available now - and for free! Out of nowhere! - then all the complaining started and internet trolls and haters - and they have been eroding joy and replacing it with this sadness… - all the ups and downs of being a sports fan - this past week was unprecedented for ODU football - lots of national attention and a big nationally televised game - only to lose pretty badly… - I haven’t been surfing in a while - mostly because I hurt my shoulder and arm muscles - I’m not even sure how - I think from dragging heavy luggage during out trip last month - it’s been really bothering me and dragging me down - but I’ve also not really been feeling like surfing - there is so much to do all the time - with work and family and this bathroom floor remodel I’ve been doing - surfing just has seemed like another chore to try to fit in - and that makes me sad… - the bathroom floor remodel - I’ve always wanted to know how to do something like this and I just jumped into it - I’ve made a lot of mistakes but have learned a lot and now it’s almost done - and it looks pretty good - so this whole accomplishment thing is setting in - which is one of the good things - which means something bad is right around the corner - right?